In this episode of Audio Signals Podcast, Dr. Alison Escalante explores her enlightening book, unpacking the transformative "Sigh, See, Start" method designed to guide parents through the complexities of raising children in our modern society.
Guests: Alison Escalante, Author, Pediatrician
On LinkedIn | https://www.linkedin.com/in/alisonescalantemd/
On Twitter | https://twitter.com/AEscalanteMD
Website | https://theprimarycarer.com/
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Host: Marco Ciappelli, Co-Founder at ITSPmagazine [@ITSPmagazine] and Host of Redefining Society Podcast & Audio Signals Podcast
On ITSPmagazine | https://www.itspmagazine.com/itspmagazine-podcast-radio-hosts/marco-ciappelli
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Episode Introduction
In this episode of Audio Signals Podcast, Dr. Alison Escalante explores her enlightening book, unpacking the transformative "Sigh, See, Start" method designed to guide parents through the complexities of raising children in our modern society.
Drawing from her rich background as both a pediatrician and a mother, Dr. Escalante shares insights honed over a decade of addressing the growing epidemic of childhood anxiety.
At the heart of the method lies an understanding of the profound influence of social media, societal pressures, and the pervasive anxiety gripping today's youth.
Dr. Escalante introduces the concept of "sighing" as a neurologically-rooted tool to foster safety, unlock higher-level thinking, and forge deeper connections with our children. It's a rallying cry for parents to be fully present in their parenting journey.
Mindfulness and keen observation form the cornerstone of the "Sigh, See, Start" method, equipping parents with practical strategies to navigate the myriad challenges they face daily. Through Dr. Escalante's compassionate lens, imperfection isn't a hindrance but rather a catalyst for growth—a departure from the suffocating grip of perfectionism towards a more adaptive, learning-oriented approach.
Crucially, the method transcends one-size-fits-all solutions, acknowledging the diverse tapestry of family dynamics and circumstances. Dr. Escalante extends a guiding hand to parents grappling with various hurdles, from resource constraints to health issues and unconventional family structures.
The conversation delves into actionable insights, from fostering collaborative problem-solving with our children to addressing daunting issues like bullying head-on. Dr. Escalante's personal anecdotes, including her battle with long COVID, underscore the method's effectiveness in maintaining familial bonds amidst adversity.
As the episode draws to a close, Dr. Escalante leaves us with a poignant reminder of the power of imperfection and the resilience it nurtures within families. She extends an open invitation to explore the depths of her book, contemplating its transformative potential not just for individuals but for the wider parenting community.
Join us on this journey of discovery, as we embrace imperfection, cultivate resilience, and forge deeper connections with our children through the empowering "Sigh, See, Start" method.
About the Book
Dr. Alison Escalante is a board-certified pediatrician with more than two decades of experience who has spent the last ten years exploring ways to equip parents to meet their children’s needs. She has experienced first-hand the culture of criticism and anxiety that drains parental joy and leaves parents feeling bad about what they should or should not be doing with and for their children. She calls this the parenting “ShouldStorm,” and this book is her invitation to escape that cycle and be the parent your child needs.In this game-changing parenting book, Dr. Escalante outlines her 3-step science-based approach to escaping the ShouldStorm and embracing should-free mindful parenting. Going into detail about each step, she clearly explains how to implement this approach in everyday situations where parents may feel overwhelmed and shares real results from parents and children who use the technique:
In the vein of Good Inside, this book offers a simple approach and practical, proven strategies any parent can use. It also explores parenting culture and why it has become more and more intense over recent decades. For anyone who wants a proven toolkit for resisting a parenting culture that shames them when they can’t meet unrealistic expectations, Sigh, See, Start is your new go-to tool for joyful parenting. The book is available now at your favorite bookseller.
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Resources
Sigh, See, Start: How to Be the Parent Your Child Needs in a World That Won’t Stop Pushing—A Science-Based Method in Three Simple Steps (Book): https://theprimarycarer.com/book/
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Book | Sigh, See, Start: How to Be the Parent Your Child Needs in a World That Won’t Stop Pushing—A Science-Based Method in Three Simple Steps | A Conversation With Author Alison Escalante | Audio Signals Podcast With Marco Ciappelli
Please note that this transcript was created using AI technology and may contain inaccuracies or deviations from the original audio file. The transcript is provided for informational purposes only and should not be relied upon as a substitute for the original recording, as errors may exist. At this time, we provide it “as it is,” and we hope it can be helpful for our audience.
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Marco Ciappelli: [00:00:00] Alrighty, here we go. This is Marco Ciappelli. Welcome to another episode of Audio Signo podcast, where we talk about stories and storytellers. And, uh, usually it's a book lately, but it could be music, song, movies, art, painting, photography. I think anything we do Every day tells a story about us, either we realize it or not.
Today, again, it is a book and it's going to be packed of stories about the very little one I'm understanding. But, uh, it's a book that I don't think they will read at this time. I think it's more for parents. And, uh, I'm excited because I'm going to welcome here a member of the mentor project, which is often happen to have on because it's full of amazing people and with definitely a lot of story to tell.
So without further ado, Dr. Alison Escalante is here with me. [00:01:00] Welcome to the show.
Alison Escalante MD: Thank you so much for having me on.
Marco Ciappelli: It's a pleasure. We've been talking about this for a while now, but we had to wait. the right time for your book to come out. So tell us a little bit about yourself, who you are, and, uh, and then we'll get into what this book in particular is about.
Alison Escalante MD: Well, I'm a pediatrician, uh, and a mom, and I've been working for the last, oh, decade, two decades on what can be done about the anxiety epidemic that we're seeing affecting, um, and especially our kids. And as a mom, it's something that I feel very much to the constant pressure on our kids to be high achievers, the sense of failure that they often have at a young age, um, and the pressure on parents.
And it's a lot. [00:02:00]
Marco Ciappelli: So this anxiety, I feel. I feel like it's driven by, uh, I'm going to throw it there, social media, probably a lot, uh, before it used to be magazine and TV show. Now, honestly, I have this conversation when I talk about society and technology a lot. It's, yeah, there's a lot of pressure from people that are not even presenting themselves as celebrities so that you can actually say, okay, these are personality actors or models or whatever it is.
This is. People that look like us, but they may be portrayed differently. in a, in the perfect way and, and allowed us to have a different and maybe alternative perception of, of reality. Is that, is that what you're referring to?
Alison Escalante MD: You know, when I was in college, um, I had the opportunity to study ideological and cultural history at Princeton.
And [00:03:00] one of the things that. We learn is that first of all, ideas change history, change cultures. Um, but they also move through culture. And when I say culture, I'm referring to, um, many things, but specifically I'm talking about those held beliefs that everyone takes for granted. It's like an operating system.
So we all think it's true. And then influential things will happen and those ideas change and the culture will shift with it. But everyone. Still assumes that it's true and it's always been true and how those ideas are dispersed and, and sort of, you know, shape our lives will depend on, um, the technology of the time, uh, we enforce them in different ways on each other.
Uh, but there's always been a way for us to enforce, uh, the held cultural beliefs, um, on each other, whether it was in the middle ages, putting someone in the [00:04:00] stocks and throwing tomatoes at them if they violated a social norm. And now we, uh, troll them on the internet, you know?
Marco Ciappelli: Yeah, the game has definitely changed.
And sometimes it is about Reloading, loading a new operating system, which usually, culturally speaking, take longer than, than the social media or the real computer operating system. Our society takes a lot, definitely longer to change. And I want to dive into, into the book, um, with this thought.
What inspired you? Was it, was a part of this Yes. Very quick change the pace of change that we're facing now as a society and maybe certain Standard classic way to raise a kid like maybe grandma would would face It's changed the game has changed too fast.
Alison Escalante MD: I think that's part of it I mean, I think that when you look at some of the roots [00:05:00] of the parenting culture right now Jessica Gross just Beautifully in her book, Screaming on the Inside.
And, uh, this really started a lot of what we're seeing now, the idea that parents, um, are not really capable of raising their kids and they need to seek the right expert advice. Um, 200 years ago, but. The abrupt change that, um, really shift from old school parenting to the helicopter parent, um, both of which types of parenting had negatives for child development and, and some positives and good goals, um, that really was, uh, the late eighties and nineties, and it happened very quickly.
And what we see now is really just an increasingly intensified version of what started in the nineties.
Marco Ciappelli: Okay. [00:06:00] Okay, so yeah, it's isn't a very fast acceleration and again living in the world of technology I feel like it's it's not actually slowing down like oh, no, it's speeding up one year now It's it's way it sounds more things happen in a year now than in the 90s, which was already a lot faster was happening in, uh, maybe in the 70s.
And I remember when I was studying sociology of communication and mass media back in the, in the 90s, actually, there was a professor that was bringing this example that on, at the time the internet wasn't that popular. So the the edition of the New York times of a Sunday edition. Would have already more information than the average person will receive in the middle age, let's say from an entire lifetime.
Now I'm going to take that and bring it to today and it's probably going to be mind blowing.
Alison Escalante MD: That is a really good point. [00:07:00] And yet, When you think about that, that's a really good point, because I distinctly remember, you know, Sunday afternoon was the New York Times Sunday edition for ritual for my parents, and they would spend hours reading it, and we weren't really supposed to bother them, and we didn't have video games to entertain ourselves, right?
Um, but now we take in our information in sound, in sound bites, in, um, tweak length, um, Um, it's always startling to me how often, um, even on platforms like LinkedIn, where there's more of a little bit more professional level, people might respond to say an article I've written in Forbes. They'll respond with a lengthy comment without opening the article.
Based on the headline? Based on the headline! And I know they haven't even read the article, so there's no context, right? And, you know, um, and, and, [00:08:00] uh, very often those sorts of responses are, of course, people educating me as to why they think I'm wrong. And I'm like, well, maybe read it before you decide. But that's where we are now.
Marco Ciappelli: Right. Exactly, exactly. So yeah, maybe based on that, and we haven't mentioned the title of the book yet. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna do it now, like SIGC start how to be the parents your child needs in the world that won't stop pushing science based method in the three simple steps. So it seems to me that is very concrete.
It's kind of, Like, based on the senses that a mother has, or a dad has, or even a grandparent's, I don't know whose this book is for, but let's get to that. You kind of bring it back to more basic human instinct and compare with this never ending amount of advice you'll get from strangers online. [00:09:00]
Alison Escalante MD: So that's interesting you bring that up.
I just wrote an article about that in Forbes last week. Um, so I didn't know, I swear, you know, the question of that struggle with parents, right? Do we take expert advice, but then there's so much expert advice and a lot, most of it or a great deal of it disagrees with each other. Um, And it can be very anxiety provoking because generally the message is do it right or you'll mess up your kids.
And then, or do we trust our instincts? That's usually the available options. But, um, trusting our instincts is a challenge because usually when we do that, we don't really have instincts as humans, it turns out. We have, um, informed, um, understandings based on our past experiences. So what we do is we repeat the past or we overreact to whatever our parents did.
And either way, It's not [00:10:00] skillful, wise parenting. So I offer a third option. And what I love about my option is instead of having to learn an extensive theory before you start parenting, you actually change your approach and mindset by doing. And so what we do is every time you feel anxiety as a parent, um, you sigh.
C and start. So, and, and you're right. It is about the senses. And with sigh, we're tapping into some very fundamental neuroscience, which is that when we sigh, when we let, take a big breath and then let it out long and slow, that long, slow out breath sends a message to the nervous system that you are safe.
You can connect and it actually brings our higher level thinking on board so that we can step out of anxiety, step out of [00:11:00] that feeling that we're being attacked or we're under threat and really connect with our own bodies and our kids. So it's the neuroscience concept of becoming present. And you know, it feels different when someone's really with you in the room versus when they're in the room but they're not with you.
And that's what we're bringing online when we sigh.
Marco Ciappelli: It makes me think about when my mom used to tell me count till three. Before you answer or before you freak out about something, it's kind of like that three seconds. It is the moment of, okay, hold on a second.
Alison Escalante MD: That's right. So Sai incorporates that sense of pause.
Absolutely. But, you know, in a, in a high level, Very often as a parent, when we pause, um, we still have all of those shoulds in our head running on circle. You should do this, you should do that, you shouldn't do that other thing, you're going to mess up your kid for life, right? So just [00:12:00] pausing isn't enough the way we parent today.
We need to hack that nervous system and say, you're okay, you're here. And you're okay. And to move out of that shoulding, that I call it a should storm. It's a storm of shoulds that are constantly bombarding parents that we internalize and that makes us feel overwhelmed and incapable. And when we sigh and connect with our bodies, with that, with that beginning of calm, we actually start to feel capable, um, pretty quickly because if you try it with me, you'll notice how much better your body feels.
You can feel it happening. Um, I'm also a big fan of sighing three times if I'm really wound up because I find when I'm worked up, it takes me three times to really start to calm down.
Marco Ciappelli: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely some meditation right there. Uh, so you do that and then [00:13:00] You don't really have much time to make those decisions.
It's, it's not that you're, you know, thinking, how am I going to write the next chapter of the book? You probably need to act, but before you do that, what do you do? You see, well, this,
Alison Escalante MD: this method works in both places. It was designed, I designed it for under pressure because, um, You know, at the time my kids were young, uh, super active and, uh, they just didn't give me time to think much at all, but, um, it also can be used in a deliberate way.
to work through a situation when you are with your kids or when you're not with your kids. You can actually think through using the method. But yes, after you sigh, which a lot of parents tell me is easy to do, because they're like, Doc, I sigh at my kids all the time anyway. That's great. Right? And that's it.
It's built in. It's, it's an automatic breathing method that we have in our body. So then, You see, now [00:14:00] C is your moment of mindfulness. And, uh, we've all been told like, it's great to meditate and we should do, you know, mindful yoga for an hour, but many parents, um, whether the kids are young and at that busy age, or the kids are in high school and you're driving them around to activities all the time, and there's barely time for anything else, um, That moment of mindfulness turns out can be very powerful.
The science shows us that micro moments of mindfulness can be just as effective as meditating. Um, so that's the encouragement for parents. And so when you see your Mindfully noticing what's going on. Notice your child's body language. Notice the situation. Notice, if, if you still need to, notice what should have been in your head so you can put them aside a little bit.
Um, notice if there's an overwhelming [00:15:00] sensory, uh, environment. Maybe your kid, you know they get worked jackhammer going on outside. Well, maybe that's why they're irritable right now. Right? Um, C is not meant to prioritize vision. Um, I just chose it because of an alliteration. It's, it's really that moment of observation without immediately trying to do anything.
And that's what most of us do as parents is we, we, we have a should in our head and we jump in and do something.
Marco Ciappelli: And can you give me an example? I mean, to, to the audience, some example of this should storm. Like what are some of this should that you've feel based on your experience and your practice are maybe the top, the top five right now.
Okay.
Alison Escalante MD: Cause I could easily give you like a hundred, but, um, you know, take the old podcast.
Marco Ciappelli: So let's, let's, let's do five or 10.
Alison Escalante MD: Let's say you've just had a baby. You should breastfeed. You [00:16:00] should do, you know, you should never let the baby cry. You sure your baby should be sleeping by now. What's wrong with you?
Right. Um, Your child is a toddler. You should be, uh, facilitating their development. You should be maximizing their development. You should be doing this or that. Um, you should be, um, making sure they behave perfectly in public without being harsh. You should, uh, teach them emotion coaching. You should explain more to them.
And by the way, none of these shoulds are, some of these shoulds are, Incorrect, just so you know. Um, or, you know, you've got a teenager. Well, you should be making sure that they're in the top AP classes and you should be making sure that they're maximizing their resume so they can get into college. And if they don't get into the best college, their life will be ruined forever and you're a terrible parent and you failed.
Um, and also you should make sure that they feel good emotionally because we know mental health is important and so forth, right? And
Marco Ciappelli: it keeps going. I mean, I like [00:17:00] how you use the chronological, you know, grueling pattern. But then where you're stopping, I'm thinking like, well, then you become like an adolescent or a younger adult and you still are bombarded by a ton of shoulds.
Oh, yeah. Now you should be, you know, saving money by now you should have a job by now you should said who?
Alison Escalante MD: And that's, that's why I've talked about the should storm in other contexts too, right? I've presented it at professional conferences and, you know, leadership conferences and things like that. But I think it's most harmful.
In that parent child relationship where it really disrupts that connection between parent and child that is a building block of resilience and a happy life for the child. And, um, the kids start feeling it in elementary school. You know, I have so many kids, um, who are so worried about their grades, worried about their level of achievement, you know, so the kids are in their own should storm.
And that's actually a chapter in the book as well. [00:18:00] What it's like for them. And then parents will tell you, parenting does not stop when they go to college. Um, you know, uh, there's a, a continued, um, level of involvement, um, with parents, uh, in this generation, and, and the should storm doesn't end,
Marco Ciappelli: you know.
Because as a parent, you're always a parent, even when you're, even when your kid is 50 years old. Right, that's right. So you should be giving your advice. That makes sense, it applies, but I, I can't imagine, I can't imagine. This situation that you're describing as a, as a young Um, parents, I mean a fresh parent and everywhere, magazine, TV, social media, parents, friends.
Everybody probably has the solution and the advice for everything.
Alison Escalante MD: So I have stories in the book about women being accosted while Just, you know, they're on maternity leave, they're out for a brief walk in the neighborhood, and they're accosted by a neighbor. My husband, um, I told [00:19:00] in my TEDx talk about this, my husband was, uh, accosted in the grocery store by a woman who, uh, even though it was 95 degrees outside, was yelling at my husband because, uh, the baby didn't have socks on.
Right? Um, turns out that's a thing. I had so many people right in after the TEDx talk, telling me their stories about people yelling at them about the need for baby socks in the grocery store. And as a pediatrician, I can tell you, that's not a thing. If it's 95 degrees outside, baby's feet are fine. It's okay.
Marco Ciappelli: Oh, God. So how do you filter through all of this and decide then, you know, what, What the action is. How do you, how do you free your mind?
Alison Escalante MD: That's right. And so, so far with PsyNC, you know, this is different from other parenting techniques, but a lot of other parenting methods mention a pause, a breath, a moment of mindfulness, right?
What's different about PsyC START is when you get to start, [00:20:00] because now we are going to become scientists. Um, and so, Start is where you basically run your own little experiment and you say, okay, I've sighed, I've done my C, I've gathered some information. Now I'm going to start. Maybe I start thinking about how to do things differently.
Maybe I start processing that. That advice I read that actually seems like it fits here, right? Maybe I start applying something I've learned about my kid before. Maybe I start nothing. Um, nothing is one of my favorite things to start because I tend to be, um, you know, like I'm supposed to make people better for a living, right?
So I tend to be a fixer. And so, um, for me, pausing and starting nothing. Can be very helpful for my kids because instead of jumping in and reacting, I'm giving them space. [00:21:00] And it's amazing, especially as the kids get a little older, but even when they were younger, how that, that space can actually, they can then have an opportunity to work things out themselves.
Um, But whatever you start, you're learning. So you start something. You start nothing. You start the right thing, and you've gained information. You have just run a successful experiment. You know that that worked with that kid on this day in this situation, and you file that away. But maybe you start something and it backfires and you say, Oh, I should have done it differently, man.
Well, we know what to do if we feel a should. You sigh, see, and start again. So it becomes a continuous learning loop and it has some really powerful effects. Parents tell me that it moves them from a feeling of constant anxiety to one of confidence because they build skills quickly. Um, you shift your [00:22:00] relationships with mistakes.
So it's, it's no long, cause see parenting today is about getting it perfect. You're getting it, you gotta get it right, right? Which is 100 percent wrong and a bad example for our kids, right? Too much pressure. Um, When we're starting in an informed way and we're gathering that information now, it's not, I mean, is it a mistake or is it a learning, right?
Um, you're running experiment, you're gathering information. The more you do it, the more you learn, the more confidence you build. And Suddenly, instead of being hard on yourself all the time, you've got this more positive, open outlook, right? And guess what that does for your kids? Because our kids model themselves on us.
And so even if we tell them, don't be so hard on yourself, honey, it's normal to make mistakes. If they see us with that perfectionistic parenting, they pick it up. [00:23:00] They know what they're really supposed to do. They're really supposed to be perfect, right? Cause that's what we're doing. But if we show them, no, I'm just learning.
I'm growing with you and I'm learning with you. And, um, you know, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but I'm always in the game and I'm always growing. I mean, Isn't that the fundamental basis of a healthy life that we're trying to teach our kids?
Marco Ciappelli: Yeah, I mean, I'm going with my brain because it's really like I'm picturing as you started this lab where the difference between theory and practice, right?
You need both. Sure, take the advice, but don't take it as a, as a certainty because it may not work. And until you know why it doesn't work, you're not really Getting better. I mean, it makes total sense to me. It's okay. If your little experiment doesn't doesn't work, you're not [00:24:00] perfection. It's, it's, it's, it's the source, probably of, of a lot of that anxiety.
I mean, I'm connecting all the point, even re read the title right now, as you're saying this, this, this incredible push to, to perfection. It's, it's not, it's not healthy. I don't know why we're doing. It's just not.
Alison Escalante MD: No, and this, this allows us then to change our relationship with our instincts and parenting advice because suddenly those become tools.
Right? And I can use them when it makes sense. And I cannot use them, um, when it doesn't make sense, you know? And PsyC START is never about a parent out on their own, like, supposed to know everything. Of course not! I'm a pediatrician! I want you to ask me for advice if you're having trouble. But PsyC START gives you an approach, a relationship, and a way to process, you know, the information you're given.
PsyC START. com And it also allows [00:25:00] us to meet specific child's needs because, um, there is no one size fits all parenting and, you know, kids can be different in my own family. I call my kids sun and moon because they're so, so different, right. And what they need in a particular situation. can be very different based on their personality and temperament.
Marco Ciappelli: Let's say, was it a moment like an aha moment that Really made you think, I have to, right?
Alison Escalante MD: Yeah, um, it's actually, so I was feeling like there was something that needed to be done for a decade. Um, you know, and I was reading every parenting book out there and trying to find the thing to give the parents in my practice that was going to help.
Right? And, um, there were a lot of, um, lousy books out there and there were a [00:26:00] lot of really good books out there, uh, but very often their advice was too, it was too detailed for me to remember in the moment, right? Like when I was in, I was a busy working mom. Um, I was on call, I had meetings after work, I had kids running back and forth to daycare and I'm trying to be present for them and I can't remember all of that, right?
Even when it was really good advice. So I know I need, I knew I needed something. Um, and I didn't realize I was doing this intuitively without words for it. And then one day I was visiting with, um, a mom who was, uh, she had a new baby and she was going through the breastfeeding hell that so many moms go through.
And, um, I. shared with her. It just sort of, it was like one of those intuitive pops. It just came out of my mouth. Like all this research came out in these words and I shared these steps with her and I said, why don't you try that? And a month later she said, [00:27:00] before, this is a direct quote, before I had only anxiety and now I had confidence.
And I said, Oh my gosh, do I have it? Have I found it? And so I started then, you know, putting it out there and seeing what parents thought. And I put it out in the TEDx and I got so much feedback of how helpful it was that I said, okay, we, we need to really do a deeper dive on this. Um, and so the book is full of the scientific backing for those who are interested, some specific, um, techniques out there that are really complimentary.
Um, based on recent science, like how to do collaborative problem solving with your kids, you know, um, or, uh, how to have a successful family meeting using sci c start, you know, so that you can build that togetherness. Um, how to appropriately repair with your child, you know, like when you have, there, there are [00:28:00] mistakes and then there are mistakes, right?
And if I've hurt my child, I screamed something I regret, right? I need to seek repair. I need to apologize and, and reconnect in a way that's safe for my child and they know I'm taking responsibility. So we have, you know, there's stuff about that and there's stuff about parents dealing with some incredibly tricky situations, right?
Like bullying or, um, some of the stuff that comes up for members of the LGBTQ plus community, you know, or, um, some of the things like that, you know?
Marco Ciappelli: Right. So, so it's not just for, I kind of started this with the young parents thinking about very little children, but it's actually applies to everybody.
What I like is it also applies to yourself. And, uh, and that's, that's great. Almost a book for, For everyone, even if you don't have children.
Alison Escalante MD: Well, I hope so. I mean, one of the groups that often gets [00:29:00] left out of parenting books is, um, folks with, um, you know, who don't have endless energy patients, um, to apply parenting techniques.
Right. And so. I wanted a book that included the parents in my practice who were working two or three jobs to make ends meet, right. And we're falling off their feet at the end of the day, or who were dealing with their own illnesses, like battling cancer or dealing with a chronic illness. Um, and I, you know, or the single moms who are just run ragged, trying to do everything, um, and told by society that everything's their fault, right.
And. Then I had to test and see if it was real. Does, does, was this just another too good to be true parenting technique? And so, as you know, you know, uh, over two years ago, I got sick with COVID and I developed a severe case, severe case of long COVID myself, um, and I became disabled, I haven't been able [00:30:00] to see patients or practice pediatrics in over two years, and much of the time I've had to learn how to parent from bed.
Because I can't get out of bed or I can't think straight to have a clear conversation with my kids. Um, you know, and the whole family's reorganized around taking care of me, which was a major shocker because as moms, we see ourselves as the one taking care of everyone else. And even in that, by. Even, even with like times when the brain fog was really bad, where I couldn't remember much, or even hold much of a conversation, Sci C Start was clear enough that I could remember that.
And it helped me connect with my kids, even when I couldn't be the one taking care of their physical needs. Right. Even when they were the ones, my, my younger one makes great scrambled eggs. So he would bring those to me in bed and feed me sometimes. Right. And like, even then I was able [00:31:00] to stay present with them and connect with them.
And I do feel like it's deepened our relationship, um, in some surprising ways. So I hope I'm, you know, putting my money where my mouth is and I hope, um, I hope it supports other parents as much as it's supported our family.
Marco Ciappelli: You know, as we get close to the end, I do have one final question, but before we get to that, a reflection on what you just said and tell me if I'm wrong with what I'm getting from this whole Technique is that it's a technique to find your own technique.
There are some pillars, right, that just say that there is not just one way to do it right. There are many ways to do it right. And every kid is different. Every family is different. Every mom has to deal with [00:32:00] different things. So you're not just doing like this is for this size. You're saying something like that.
Everybody's going to find something. could apply and could make their parenting better no matter what their situation is.
Alison Escalante MD: That's right. And there's a lot in the book, you know, talking about different kinds of kids and what those needs might be, but it's, this isn't meant to be the book where it's like, ignore all the other parenting books.
Just trust this one. This is meant to say, Hey, you know, let's say your child has autism and there are specific things that you're working on with your occupational therapist. Great, apply those, but size C start as you do, and you'll apply it more effectively and more wisely.
Marco Ciappelli: All right, so my last question, I'm thinking this, and I'm not asking to pick your favorite child because that's tough, but it is your book.
I know how to feel about a book or about anything [00:33:00] that I write or even a podcast I make. So you know, let's just go, if you want to. What is your favorite? Part of the book personally,
Alison Escalante MD: my favorite part of the book. Gosh, I, I, I, I am grateful that I did really enjoy the book. And I worked with an amazing editor, Makiba raisin.
Um, And, uh, she, oh gosh, she had such an influence on the book. Um, and a deep friendship came out of that, but, um, so there are so many parts that she, um, worked with me on that, that I love, but my favorite part is, um, chapter four, what you won't get from PsyCH START. Um, and, uh, especially, um, my passage on why it's bad for kids to be a perfect parent.
Like if you could actually achieve perfection, that would [00:34:00] actually be really harmful for your kids.
Marco Ciappelli: So I can see that. I can see that. I think if you're too perfect, maybe you're not human.
Alison Escalante MD: We are born into human families and raised by humans so that we can learn to love and, or to work with humans, um, and exist as humans.
And, um, Our families are meant to be. Unfortunately, families aren't always this way, but they're meant to be a place where you have people who are totally committed to you, who love you endlessly, where you guys can make mistakes with each other, and you can learn how to deal with imperfect people so that you can manage it out in the big world.
Love it.
Marco Ciappelli: Great, great way to end our conversation and my usual way, which is to thank you for being on the show, uh, inviting everybody listening to check the notes so they can get the link [00:35:00] to the book, get the link to your social media, your webpage, where they can learn more about you. And of course the selfish part, which is subscribe, share.
This conversation with everybody because I'm pretty sure that this is going to be a relevant conversation for at least one person, you know, maybe, maybe more than one. So again, Allison, thank you so much for this.
Alison Escalante MD: Thank you so much, Marco.
Marco Ciappelli: All right, everybody, stay tuned for more stories and more storytellers on audio signal podcast.
Take care, everybody.